Dear Spammers, We Listen To You Too!

I Will Sit Down And Listen To Spammers Today

Hello Dear Spammers,

Today, I wanted to let you know that I am feeling terribly sorry.

While we reply to every published comment, regrettably we do not publish your comments. We don't want to leave them at the mercy of Akismet! All your (or bot's) hard work is wasted because of our approach.

We should be and are terribly sorry for this! Who in the world we are to waste so much human/machine effort. So, I decided to take a look at our Akismet Quarantine and reply to some of your comments.

Your site is wonderful and the post is good and i see that we can have more of this kind of posts in the coming days, hope you can also viste my site.
- scrubbed off 5 Plugins To Make Your WordPress Blog Intelligent.

Well, we already know that Blogging With Success is wonderful. And also that the post was good. We hope you keep looking for articles like this and comment so that Akismet gets to do some work.

And by the way, I won't be able to viste your site! I am not technologically advanced like you and have no clue on visteing a site! Let me know if you could enlighten me on this topic.

makes me want to drink alchoholic beverages
- scrubbed off  Blogging Addiction: How To Identify And Get Rid Of It.

Hats off to you. Instead of leaving a generic comment like previous fool, you picked up a keyword in headline and then used it to comment!

However, I'd suggest taking some I.Q. increasing pills(if you need address, contact me, I have lots of addresses in Aksimet Queue selling pills) because this post was related to blogging addiction.

And if the post really, really makes you want to drink alchoholic beverages, go on! We are not stopping you. At least alcohol will keep one spammer away from internet.

Sorry for my silence. My computer time has been basically nil. [lots of links]
- scrubbed off  Blogging Addiction: How To Identify And get Rid Of It.

Why are you back? It would have been so good if your computer time had basically, practically, politically, <insert-anything-here>cally stayed nil. Please, do whatever you were doing before to make it nill and if possible, join the above genius in drinking alcoholic beverages. That would keep 2 spammers off the internet.

Wow, certainly nice article. Where will I find your subscription? Whitny Karver -latin female models
- scrubbed off  Thesis Review.

You want subscription? Well, there's a form above the sidebar and one just above the comment form. I guess you should try looking on the Latin Female Models Website. That's where our subscription form may be!

yeah,I just believed you may need to know that your weblog is messed up whenever you view it on my iphone. I?m not positive if it’s something to complete with my phone?s browser or your website? just declaring… by lida daidaihua kaufen

WOW! That's very helpful for a spammer! Thanks for notifying me. However, FYI, BWS is not messed up. When you use an iPhone, it shows the mobile theme powered by WPTouch Premium plugin. And thanks for "just declaring!" Note to readers: If anyone can understand what the above person wants to say, please please please contact me. I am still scratching my head on "messed up whenever you view it on my iphone". Did I meet this guy or what?

And most hilarious one I found in the spam queue. Well, they say a picture is worth a thousand words, so:

Anyone Has A Clue? Please Mail Me The Answer If You Do!

On a serious note, if you are getting lot of comments on older posts even after checking "Automatically Delete Spam Comments On Posts Older Than 30 Days" option in Akismet, this is a known bug in Akismet and will be corrected in next version. See WordPress.org forum discussion thread here.

OK, so that ends our replies. Hope you enjoyed these!

For inspiration read how to spot clueless idiotic human spam comments.

Do not forget to share some funny spam comments with us too! It would be better if you take a screenshot and then use it in comment as using spammy words will get your comment marked as spam and with present Akismet problems, we might not be able to rescue it!

Image Credit: sean dreilinger [flickr]

About Ishan Sharma

Hi, I am a young Blogger from India. I am very passionate about blogging and also co-founder of Blogging With Success. I write about general blogging tips and WordPress. You can read other posts by me here.If you need help, feel free to contact anytime!

Comments

  1. ha ha ha.

    Nice way to share these funny spammy comments.

  2. Wow, creative post! It got me laughing a few times. I especially liked the the third one. =p

    This is definitely an unique post, Ishan. It's the first time I saw someone reply to their spam comments before – Just awesome!

    Christina
    My recent post Ask Me Anything You Want for the New Year

  3. LMAO, many of those made me laugh really hard!

    Specially that last one!

    But I've heard that Askimet also catches many good comments, so you've gotta check it more often

    • Hi Amr,

      Yes, Akismet is a bit nasty with honest comments and we do check it often.

      Thanks for commenting! :)

  4. You cracked my ribs with this one Ishan, absolutely hilarious. I like your kindness towards these spammers, it wouldn't be nice if we all just ignored their existence. So thank you very much for remembering them ;)

    • Oops! Sorry for your ribs. ;)

      Ha ha! Well, you know, sometimes we have to be kind like this and not ignore their existence. Why ignore something that can make us laugh?

      Thanks for commenting!

  5. You cracked my ribs with this Ishan, absolutely hilarious. Those spammers really can be a pain in the ass, thanks to Akismet for making them less painful.

    What is annoying about their comments is how out of context they can really be. They won't even talk about anything that relates with the post. What a lame strategy for generating traffic.

  6. This is a hilarious post. I don't get as many comments from spammers, I am using disqus for my comments and it works great to catch spammers (and I usually don't see their comments). But there are some people, no matter if the comments are fairly good, that puts the links to their website inside the comment (usually at the end). To me, this is a grey zone. I don't have a comment policy (but I probably should).

    Some people use their keywords as their names, and put links inside the comments. On the other hand, I know a lot of people who are deleting the really short comments, like "awesome article" or "nice post". I don't, I find them encouraging :)

    • Hi Jens,

      Thanks for the comment. Glad that you liked the posts. Disqus? Good that it takes care of spam for you. We usually do not approve comments with pointless links and keyword names.

      Thanks for commenting.

  7. Thanks for the great laughs. I just started using Akismet and it's been amazing. I hated having to go through stupid posts and deleting them. But after reading how you poked fun at them it made me smile. Have an awesome week.

    P.S. i love visiting you blog, it has helped me tons will blogging tips.

    • Hi Erica,

      Thanks for commenting. Akismet is a must have for any blogger. Glad that you like our posts. Your words encourage us and we will make sure that our future posts become better and better.

      Thanks for comment and kind words.

  8. Hi Ishan

    I don't get much spam now I have the GASP plugin to deal with it. However, I did note that some of your spam was very similar to what I used to get lol Not even original eh??!!

    Loved the post and could smile but when I was receiving it just hit delete and thought what a waste of time. does anyone get conned by the obvious spam these days?

    If a new comment appears that lands in pending; I still check the site of the person who has left the comment. So if a spam has got through, it will still be deleted if it comes from a bad neighbourhood or is just plain spam.

    Patricia Perth Australia

    • Hi Patricia,

      Checking poster's blog is a great way to confirm weather the comment is spam or not. Well, spam is hardly original these days. Looks like spammers are tired!

      I have not checked the GASP plugin yet, so I will check it out.

      Thanks for commenting.

  9. Hahhhahah Ishan this was such a creative and awesome article!

    "What do you call 1,000 armed lesbians?" LOL never got that one before, but I've had my fair share of crazy and hilarious spam comments. Sometimes I look at them just to see how insanely ridiculous they are.

    Really great idea to write about! Thanks for sharing your spammer comments. :)

    • Hi Elise,

      Glad that you like the post. Well, it is a good time pass for me to sometime read these because I tend to check for innocent comments caught by Akismet regularly.

      Thanks for commenting.

  10. This is just too funny! RTed!

    But I have to admit commenting tools are getting better and better everyday but there is something they will never understand. They can't relate the comment to the actual content I mean, sometimes I get those kind of comments like "I like the 1st and 2nd point" when there were no points at all! It's just hilarious!

    • Hi Fernando,

      Glad that you like post. Yep, the comments are pretty funny and generic ones sometimes are pretty stupid.

      Thanks for commenting!

  11. Hi Ishan,

    I got huge number of such spams in my trash as well. But if you want to get rid of most of these spams just install Growmap Anti Spambot Plugin. Really simple but useful plugin that helped me to get rid of most of such spams.

    • Hi Adam,

      I have not yet tried the plugin here. I will surely check it out. But I am a big advocate of usability and if the plugin adds another extra step for commentators, I might not install it.

      Thanks.

  12. There is nothing I like better than someone rediculing spammers instead of whining about them. Posts like this might not stop them but it does the next best thing, makes us laugh at their pathetic attempts. :)

    • Hi Dean,

      Yep! They won't stop but hey, there's nothing better than a few chuckles for us and readers!

      Thanks for commenting.

  13. Haha bro, spammers can be nasty! I do get a lot of spam comment on my blog and whenever i read them, I'm always laughing. Nice one bro. Keep up the good work. Have fun.

  14. Hahaha, seems like you got the good spam comments. Mine are just usually comments filled with links or "You write amazing on the given subject) – and who writes like that :/

    • Hi Peter,

      Well, sometimes comments are well disguised but most of the times, spammers are so desperate that they leave obvious spam!

      Thanks for commenting.

  15. Hi Ishan,

    This was a classic :D I used to not check my spam folder, but I after I noticed that I do sometimes get replies from people that go to spam folder, I started to check it. I get similar spam comments like the ones you mentioned. They wastes their time for nothing.

    • Hi Dia,

      Glad that you like the post. Ironically, I found your comment in spam. Just shows how strict Akismet can be!

      Thanks for comment.

  16. Ha! These are great! I think that even the most generic of comments left by a non-spammer should throw warnings out at akismet. I actually don't know how all of that works There are a few different blogs I read that post an "ode to spammers" every now and again that I think is absolutely humorous. Thanks for sharing yours!

    • Well, the generic comments get warnings because spammers have started disguising their comments so well that many innocent users are caught in between!

  17. Hi Ishan,

    You caught my attention via replying mails.

    The mail header was very much triggered my curiosity as i don't recall spamming any blogs.

    I was shock to read few more line that sounded serious.

    This is an excellence sample to choose the right header.

    I'm sure you gonna get more traffic and comment flowing into this site.

    Thansk Ishan, I've learn some valuable tips today.

    Cheers,

    Ganeshmuthiah

  18. Interesting Post Ishan :D. Now days i don't get lots of spam as i've started using conditional captcha plugin. actually it is a great plugin to block spammers.

    Thanks for sharing! Retweeted.

    • Hi Devesh,

      Captcha is effective way to control spam but the problem with it is that it affects user experience. So, we don't use it here!

  19. I can't stand those spammers. I get a lot and Askimet catches all of them – thankfully! I also suggest everyone to use it, it they aren't already. the version I have is free, and they updated it at least twice per month.

    • Hi JK,

      Thanks for comment. Well, we also use free version and it is pretty powerful. It is one of the most used WordPress plugins because of spammers!

      Thanks for commenting!

  20. They have to invest another default thext….If I were a spammer I'd use

    "Hi, I find your site pumping with knowledge and my brain cells are hungry for the information you provide here. Keep them fed!"

    :D

    • Nice one! My reply would be:

      Hi there,
      We are glad that we are able to feed your brain cells. You are also helping us feed our pet called Akismet. Please keep it up and we will also keep posting great posts!

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